Day 2: Self Worth Time Happened While I Was At Work

I scheduled my recommended "dose" (it IS kinda like medicine!) at noon today.  The classes I teach are held in the mornings and evenings, so I figured I'd be free to engage in whatever I was moved to do if I picked a time in the middle of the day for it.

I was half-right!

I was done teaching the 10:30AM class I had covered.  (Note to self: that particular pool has a mixed bag of messages for me regarding me worth.  The students find me to be an excellent teacher.  The management won't let me be hired as anything but a sub, no matter how good a teacher I am, because my swollen disfigured body looks like a fat, lazy body to them.  Gosh I just with they'd observe me for JUST a minute!  They'd see I am anything but lazy.)  The students, who see me only occasionally because I'm a sub, wanted to catch up on what I had been up to since I saw them last.  I didn't excuse myself to prepare...

Then suddenly, it was noon.  I wasn't on the clock.  But I was still at work.

My muscles and joints were really hurting.  I looked over at the inviting hot tub next to the pool.  My thoughts at first were:
1. Wouldn't a lovely shower be enough to provide you with the sense of self-worth that comes from self-care?  Especially if you take your time and truly relish it?
2. You're an employee, not a member.  Just because you're allowed to avail yourself to the amenities doesn't mean you deserve to do so.
3. You should scram.  There are people who feel strongly that you don't deserve to be here, that you're a fat-ass embarrassment to this establishment.  None of the other instructors look like a cow like YOU do.  They work harder than you.  They exhibit RESULTS.  You're not good enough to represent the high standards of this workplace.  Don't overstay your welcome.
4. Changing out of your instructor gear and into your swimsuit will take time.  That's time wasted!  You should get going with your day.  Move along!
These are exactly the types of messages I give myself that need to STOP.  (Or as a coworker at another pool said tonight, something inside of you needs to be able to respond to the barrage of garbage with nothing less than a "SHUT THE HELL UP!")

So...
I slipped into my swimmysuit, and proceeded to enjoy the #$@% out of that hot tub!!!  I even filled up a nice cool bottle of water from which to leisurely sip while I was in there.  I leaned myself into the strongest jets, pushing all of my sore parts against them, enjoying the massaging sensation they created until I was fully satisfied.

Then I decided I was too warm!  So I extended my 15 minutes indefinitely (I know, BOLD MOVE, right?) and I hopped into the refreshing lap pool.  Instead of launching into a workout (though I did invent some new moves, just because they came to me), I let myself be comfortable and peaceful.  Then, I became curious about what my body might be capable of.  (And I don't care that I am ending that sentence on a preposition.  So there!)  I took my left foot into my left hand, lifted my leg straight up and to the side, and held the pose, marveling at my hard-earned flexibility.
Then I did the same thing with my right leg.  It's not as flexible!  But I still managed the stretch and pose.

I should post a picture to show off my glorious range of motion.  I'm pretty proud of what I can do.

I have some ideas about what I want to do next.  I have to remember though, BABY STEPS.  Plowing my way up to the high gear of this project is just going to burn me out.  I need a little each day.

That said, I might do tomorrow's dose early.  I am going to be at a comic book convention at noon, and I don't want anything to interfere with the 15 minutes a day I am giving to this project.  It's still very new, and I need to let the habit take hold.  STRONGLY.