G'night, y'all.
Friday, September 27, 2013
A Good Night's Rest, I'm Worth It!
And I have nothing more to say about that right now, other than that it's TRUE.
SuppleMENTAL: Affirmations
I'm not sure why I find the "mental" in supplemental so funny right now. But here are some things that people have said within the past 24 hours that should help me see myself as someone who has worth...
1. Emilia -- you are loved by many
2. Helen -- You will never be alone again
3. Kara -- when you have a moment of doubt, or don't think you are deserving - stop. Picture all of us, your
friends, family, associates, minions and remember how much we all LOVE you. Remember that you EARNED that love. It was not a fluke. We are fickle, picky, cranky people who just happen to be huge
fans of you! And if you earned us, you are AWESOME!! ...Super Kristen! Giggle powered defender of Earth!
4. Kate -- you were the topic of our lunchroom discussion today. We were talking about how awesome your class is! You should be a teacher. You'd be excellent at it. We all think so.
1. Emilia -- you are loved by many
2. Helen -- You will never be alone again
3. Kara -- when you have a moment of doubt, or don't think you are deserving - stop. Picture all of us, your
friends, family, associates, minions and remember how much we all LOVE you. Remember that you EARNED that love. It was not a fluke. We are fickle, picky, cranky people who just happen to be huge
fans of you! And if you earned us, you are AWESOME!! ...Super Kristen! Giggle powered defender of Earth!
4. Kate -- you were the topic of our lunchroom discussion today. We were talking about how awesome your class is! You should be a teacher. You'd be excellent at it. We all think so.
Day 2: Self Worth Time Happened While I Was At Work
I scheduled my recommended "dose" (it IS kinda like medicine!) at noon today. The classes I teach are held in the mornings and evenings, so I figured I'd be free to engage in whatever I was moved to do if I picked a time in the middle of the day for it.
I was half-right!
I was done teaching the 10:30AM class I had covered. (Note to self: that particular pool has a mixed bag of messages for me regarding me worth. The students find me to be an excellent teacher. The management won't let me be hired as anything but a sub, no matter how good a teacher I am, because my swollen disfigured body looks like a fat, lazy body to them. Gosh I just with they'd observe me for JUST a minute! They'd see I am anything but lazy.) The students, who see me only occasionally because I'm a sub, wanted to catch up on what I had been up to since I saw them last. I didn't excuse myself to prepare...
Then suddenly, it was noon. I wasn't on the clock. But I was still at work.
My muscles and joints were really hurting. I looked over at the inviting hot tub next to the pool. My thoughts at first were:
1. Wouldn't a lovely shower be enough to provide you with the sense of self-worth that comes from self-care? Especially if you take your time and truly relish it?
2. You're an employee, not a member. Just because you're allowed to avail yourself to the amenities doesn't mean you deserve to do so.
3. You should scram. There are people who feel strongly that you don't deserve to be here, that you're a fat-ass embarrassment to this establishment. None of the other instructors look like a cow like YOU do. They work harder than you. They exhibit RESULTS. You're not good enough to represent the high standards of this workplace. Don't overstay your welcome.
4. Changing out of your instructor gear and into your swimsuit will take time. That's time wasted! You should get going with your day. Move along!
These are exactly the types of messages I give myself that need to STOP. (Or as a coworker at another pool said tonight, something inside of you needs to be able to respond to the barrage of garbage with nothing less than a "SHUT THE HELL UP!")
So...
I slipped into my swimmysuit, and proceeded to enjoy the #$@% out of that hot tub!!! I even filled up a nice cool bottle of water from which to leisurely sip while I was in there. I leaned myself into the strongest jets, pushing all of my sore parts against them, enjoying the massaging sensation they created until I was fully satisfied.
Then I decided I was too warm! So I extended my 15 minutes indefinitely (I know, BOLD MOVE, right?) and I hopped into the refreshing lap pool. Instead of launching into a workout (though I did invent some new moves, just because they came to me), I let myself be comfortable and peaceful. Then, I became curious about what my body might be capable of. (And I don't care that I am ending that sentence on a preposition. So there!) I took my left foot into my left hand, lifted my leg straight up and to the side, and held the pose, marveling at my hard-earned flexibility.
Then I did the same thing with my right leg. It's not as flexible! But I still managed the stretch and pose.
I should post a picture to show off my glorious range of motion. I'm pretty proud of what I can do.
I have some ideas about what I want to do next. I have to remember though, BABY STEPS. Plowing my way up to the high gear of this project is just going to burn me out. I need a little each day.
That said, I might do tomorrow's dose early. I am going to be at a comic book convention at noon, and I don't want anything to interfere with the 15 minutes a day I am giving to this project. It's still very new, and I need to let the habit take hold. STRONGLY.
I was half-right!
I was done teaching the 10:30AM class I had covered. (Note to self: that particular pool has a mixed bag of messages for me regarding me worth. The students find me to be an excellent teacher. The management won't let me be hired as anything but a sub, no matter how good a teacher I am, because my swollen disfigured body looks like a fat, lazy body to them. Gosh I just with they'd observe me for JUST a minute! They'd see I am anything but lazy.) The students, who see me only occasionally because I'm a sub, wanted to catch up on what I had been up to since I saw them last. I didn't excuse myself to prepare...
Then suddenly, it was noon. I wasn't on the clock. But I was still at work.
My muscles and joints were really hurting. I looked over at the inviting hot tub next to the pool. My thoughts at first were:
1. Wouldn't a lovely shower be enough to provide you with the sense of self-worth that comes from self-care? Especially if you take your time and truly relish it?
2. You're an employee, not a member. Just because you're allowed to avail yourself to the amenities doesn't mean you deserve to do so.
3. You should scram. There are people who feel strongly that you don't deserve to be here, that you're a fat-ass embarrassment to this establishment. None of the other instructors look like a cow like YOU do. They work harder than you. They exhibit RESULTS. You're not good enough to represent the high standards of this workplace. Don't overstay your welcome.
4. Changing out of your instructor gear and into your swimsuit will take time. That's time wasted! You should get going with your day. Move along!
These are exactly the types of messages I give myself that need to STOP. (Or as a coworker at another pool said tonight, something inside of you needs to be able to respond to the barrage of garbage with nothing less than a "SHUT THE HELL UP!")
So...
I slipped into my swimmysuit, and proceeded to enjoy the #$@% out of that hot tub!!! I even filled up a nice cool bottle of water from which to leisurely sip while I was in there. I leaned myself into the strongest jets, pushing all of my sore parts against them, enjoying the massaging sensation they created until I was fully satisfied.
Then I decided I was too warm! So I extended my 15 minutes indefinitely (I know, BOLD MOVE, right?) and I hopped into the refreshing lap pool. Instead of launching into a workout (though I did invent some new moves, just because they came to me), I let myself be comfortable and peaceful. Then, I became curious about what my body might be capable of. (And I don't care that I am ending that sentence on a preposition. So there!) I took my left foot into my left hand, lifted my leg straight up and to the side, and held the pose, marveling at my hard-earned flexibility.
Then I did the same thing with my right leg. It's not as flexible! But I still managed the stretch and pose.
I should post a picture to show off my glorious range of motion. I'm pretty proud of what I can do.
I have some ideas about what I want to do next. I have to remember though, BABY STEPS. Plowing my way up to the high gear of this project is just going to burn me out. I need a little each day.
That said, I might do tomorrow's dose early. I am going to be at a comic book convention at noon, and I don't want anything to interfere with the 15 minutes a day I am giving to this project. It's still very new, and I need to let the habit take hold. STRONGLY.
Thursday, September 26, 2013
Day 1: Getting started after a talk with a new friend!
All I've got time for right now is a quick post to log the work I've done so far on this, my new project.
I'll explain soon why I am doing it, and what I hope to accomplish.
Tomorrow, I will begin having a scheduled block of time for building and honoring my sense of self worth. I thought I'd get started today with things that deserve recognition simply for applying to my goal just because they occurred.
From these three happenings, I feel as if I can begin to derive a sense of self worth:
1. I MADE SOMEONE'S DAY! One of my favorite water aerobics students turned up at a class I was covering. She was happily surprised that I was there. She patted me on the back and said "It's a good day because you're here!" (Note: I wish I could remember her name! In my mind, her name is "Smiley" because she's always wearing such a joyful smile whenever I see her.)
2. A WHOLE CLASS FULL OF STUDENTS CHEERED FOR ME, AND I LET MYSELF ACCEPT THAT I DESERVED IT! It was a busy day, and I kept up! That in and of itself was an accomplishment. I was only supposed to teach 3 classes. ("Only." Ha! That's 3 hours of working out in one day!) But emergency coverage was requested at a time that somewhat overlapped with my third class, and no one else was stepping up to the plate to teach it. I offered to help with the understanding that I wouldn't get there on time (they'd have to start 20 minutes late for a 7:30PM class, which is late enough already!) since I wouldn't be done with my third class 'til 7:15PM, and the 2 pools are 40 minutes apart. When I arrived, the class looked up, and erupted into happy cheering and applause! They could've been bent out of shape because I was late, especially since they didn't know why. (They only knew that the class would start late.) They could've left at 8:30PM, but they stayed the whole hour. And they were happy to have me -- not just because no one else could come, but because they're thrilled to have me as a teacher. I got so many compliments for giving them an energetic workout! Not bad for the 4th class of a 3-class day. ;)
Praise and self worth tend to go hand in hand, but all the praise in the world is for naught if I'm unwilling to accept it. My accomplishment here wasn't earning the praise. It was basking in it, and allowing myself to believe that I deserved it. It would've been so me to say "Oh, they're just being nice!" or "Maybe they're actually mocking me." Or even "This show of gratitude and enthusiasm is over the top based on what I can give them." But I accepted it, appreciated it, pumped my fist in the air, and yelled "WOO! YES, HERE I AM! LET'S PARTY!!!"
3. (Here's the biggie!) A STRANGER TOOK A CHANCE ON ME! I'll write more about this soon, because the inspiration for this project is in this story. But for someone to size me up, value me, and put stock in me means so, so much. For all of the times I've been doubted, undervalued, diminished, forgotten, used, etc... when someone comes along and gives you that vote of confidence, someone who thinks you've got potential and wants you to succeed, it turns everything around.
I'm excited about all of this!
Tomorrow, at "high noon", I will have 15 minutes of "self worth time": 5 minutes to think about what I want to do, 10 minutes to make it happen. I'm committing to having this self worth time each day from now on, and writing about what I do with it, and how it impacts me.
I already have lots of ideas for things I'd like to try. I'm nervous because I don't know if these doings will accomplish anything! But if I get to try every day, whether or not I fail occasionally, something's bound to work out. :)
I'll explain soon why I am doing it, and what I hope to accomplish.
Tomorrow, I will begin having a scheduled block of time for building and honoring my sense of self worth. I thought I'd get started today with things that deserve recognition simply for applying to my goal just because they occurred.
From these three happenings, I feel as if I can begin to derive a sense of self worth:
1. I MADE SOMEONE'S DAY! One of my favorite water aerobics students turned up at a class I was covering. She was happily surprised that I was there. She patted me on the back and said "It's a good day because you're here!" (Note: I wish I could remember her name! In my mind, her name is "Smiley" because she's always wearing such a joyful smile whenever I see her.)
2. A WHOLE CLASS FULL OF STUDENTS CHEERED FOR ME, AND I LET MYSELF ACCEPT THAT I DESERVED IT! It was a busy day, and I kept up! That in and of itself was an accomplishment. I was only supposed to teach 3 classes. ("Only." Ha! That's 3 hours of working out in one day!) But emergency coverage was requested at a time that somewhat overlapped with my third class, and no one else was stepping up to the plate to teach it. I offered to help with the understanding that I wouldn't get there on time (they'd have to start 20 minutes late for a 7:30PM class, which is late enough already!) since I wouldn't be done with my third class 'til 7:15PM, and the 2 pools are 40 minutes apart. When I arrived, the class looked up, and erupted into happy cheering and applause! They could've been bent out of shape because I was late, especially since they didn't know why. (They only knew that the class would start late.) They could've left at 8:30PM, but they stayed the whole hour. And they were happy to have me -- not just because no one else could come, but because they're thrilled to have me as a teacher. I got so many compliments for giving them an energetic workout! Not bad for the 4th class of a 3-class day. ;)
Praise and self worth tend to go hand in hand, but all the praise in the world is for naught if I'm unwilling to accept it. My accomplishment here wasn't earning the praise. It was basking in it, and allowing myself to believe that I deserved it. It would've been so me to say "Oh, they're just being nice!" or "Maybe they're actually mocking me." Or even "This show of gratitude and enthusiasm is over the top based on what I can give them." But I accepted it, appreciated it, pumped my fist in the air, and yelled "WOO! YES, HERE I AM! LET'S PARTY!!!"
3. (Here's the biggie!) A STRANGER TOOK A CHANCE ON ME! I'll write more about this soon, because the inspiration for this project is in this story. But for someone to size me up, value me, and put stock in me means so, so much. For all of the times I've been doubted, undervalued, diminished, forgotten, used, etc... when someone comes along and gives you that vote of confidence, someone who thinks you've got potential and wants you to succeed, it turns everything around.
I'm excited about all of this!
Tomorrow, at "high noon", I will have 15 minutes of "self worth time": 5 minutes to think about what I want to do, 10 minutes to make it happen. I'm committing to having this self worth time each day from now on, and writing about what I do with it, and how it impacts me.
I already have lots of ideas for things I'd like to try. I'm nervous because I don't know if these doings will accomplish anything! But if I get to try every day, whether or not I fail occasionally, something's bound to work out. :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)